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10.20.2009

Where I've been

This morning, someone pointed out to me that it has been a month, exactly a month, a whole month, since I last posted here. I nearly choked.

The truth is, I’ve been having a hard time. Nothing around here looks the same as it did, pre-restaurant, and to be perfectly honest, though I like this new life, I also miss the old one. There’s no point in trying to hide it. I’ve been dealing with a lot of exhaustion, and it’s been difficult to feel creative, eager to cook and write here - or do pretty much anything except watch Battlestar Galactica on Netflix. It’s a dire situation when you go to the dentist, as I did this morning, and it actually feels relaxing, like some sort of reprieve, to get to sit there for an hour with a faceful of metal instruments and suction devices. Listen, you people out there who have babies and operate on a constant sleep deficit and STILL manage to blog: you’re a miracle. I don’t know how you do it. Maybe it’s the fact that babies are cute? If Delancey could nuzzle my neck and coo, maybe everything would feel easier.

Either way, what I really wanted to say is this: that I haven’t forgotten about you, or about our conversations here, and that I am trying to find my way back. The first step is for me to cut back my hours at the restaurant, which I have just begun to do. Then, of course, I have to figure out where the hell my energy went. And I have to acknowledge, too, that things are just different around here. It’s a new balancing act, and I have yet to master it. But I want to. Soon.